A Father’s Day Reflection on Gratitude and Appreciation

As Father’s Day approaches on June 15, 2025, I reflect on the intricate tapestry of my life, woven with threads of gratitude for the people who shaped me. My story, like many of yours, is one of unexpected heroes, misunderstood moments, and the quiet power of love—especially from the man I came to call my father. I share this journey in the hope that you, too, will look back on your life, perhaps uncovering missed opportunities to appreciate those who were there for you, even in ways you didn’t fully see at the time.

My story begins with my mother, a young woman of 19, unwed and pregnant in an era when such circumstances were met with harsh judgment. She was already working, supporting her widowed mother and two younger sisters after her father’s tragic death in a car accident when she was just 12. Her mother, an attractive widow with three small girls, placed them in a boarding school while she rebuilt her life, a testament to her resilience at a tender age. Despite pressure from her older brother and family to conform, my grandmother rebelled, moving from Minnesota to California—the land of sunshine and opportunity. Years later, as an adult, I visited the tiny Hollywood apartment she lived in across from Charlie Chaplin Studios, symbolizing her courage.

My mother worked at a famous Sunset and La Brea drive-in in Hollywood without daycare or support for unwed mothers. Her teenage sisters helped care for me, but she often worried about their reliability. Across the street was a gas station where a young mechanic ate lunch daily, served by my mother. One day, she shared her struggles, and he suggested his mother in North Hollywood, who cared for children and the elderly. This woman became my other grandmother—a beacon of unconditional love who embraced me as her own.

Her home was a haven for “waifs” like me—children of single mothers—alongside an elderly woman who doted on us. My grandmother was the “little old lady who lived in a shoe,” her house brimming with ragtag kids, yet she gave us a foundation of love. I spent weekdays with her, weekends with my mother, enveloped by two remarkable women—strong, independent, gentle, and faithful, with indomitable spirits. My mother’s mother later remarried and moved to Montana, where I spent idyllic childhood summers, while my other grandmother remained a feisty force, too spirited for any man to handle, her home always filled with family and friends.

My mother eventually married the mechanic, who adopted me, becoming the man I’d call my father. Our relationship was complex—marked by trials, especially in my teenage years. He was fiercely protective of us, a pillar of strength after the war, yet we often clashed. I overheard family conversations about me being “different”—half-Asian, with a birth father my mother never discussed—and a defiance grew within me. I felt deeply obligated to this man who gave me his name, supporting us when most men would have walked away. He believed in me, expecting my best, and I spent much of my life striving to prove I was worthy of his adoption, driven by his words that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. Yet, we were often at crossroads, our strong wills colliding.

As a coach with 25 years of experience, I’ve learned to view my life through a clearer lens, like watching a movie unfold. This reflection revealed how I misunderstood moments—like interpreting “different” as rejection, rather than uniqueness. My father’s high expectations were his way of showing faith in me, though my teenage self saw them as pressure. A 2022 Journal of Family Psychology study found that 40% of parent-child conflicts stem from miscommunication, often resolved through reflective understanding later in life. For an Action personality like me, this meant seeing his protectiveness as love, not control; for a Nurturer, it might mean appreciating a parent’s sacrifices despite their flaws.

Who are the people who blessed you by being there? Perhaps they weren’t your parents, but someone who instilled your values or grit. Some clients I’ve coached learned to be great parents by choosing not to repeat their own parents’ mistakes, a powerful act of transformation. A 2021 Psychology Today study notes that 50% of adults gain a deeper appreciation for family through life reflection, often uncovering missed opportunities to express gratitude.

This Father’s Day, I honor my father—the mechanic who loved us fiercely, giving me a name and a foundation to soar. I thank my mother for her courage and my grandmothers for their unconditional love, weaving a childhood of joy. I chose well if I chose this life, as I often muse in coaching. I invite you to reflect: Who shaped your life in ways you might have overlooked? How can you express appreciation this Father’s Day, perhaps healing old misunderstandings? Let’s weave a tapestry of gratitude, celebrating the fathers and father figures who guided us, as the Sawubona spirit truly sees their worth. I'm grateful that the mechanic asked the waitress to marry him. And I'm thankful that she said yes.