Diamonds, Stones, and Why Brushing Your Teeth Counts as a Win

The Most Important Relationship You’ll Ever Have isn't with your partner, your children, your boss, or that one friend who always knows exactly what to say when you’re having a meltdown.

It’s with the person looking back at you in the mirror every morning, the one with the messy bedhead, the sleepy eyes, and the internal monologue that sometimes sounds like a grumpy critic who hasn’t had their coffee yet.

At Joy & Associates, we spend a lot of time talking about high-level emotional intelligence and professional growth. But here’s the secret I share with my private clients: all that big-picture success? It starts at the kitchen sink. It starts with how you talk to yourself when no one else is listening. It starts with the radical, soul-stirring realization that you are the primary source of your own light.

The Mirror Trap: Why We Look Outward

Have you ever felt like you’re walking through quicksand, just trying to get through the day, all while waiting for someone to notice how hard you’re working? We’ve all been there. We wait for the "thank you," the "great job," or the "you look amazing today." When it doesn't come, we feel depleted, like a balloon slowly losing its air.

This is the "Validation Hunger." It’s what happens when our relationship with ourselves is on the back burner. We become beggars for attention, hoping others will fill a cup that we’ve left empty. But what if I told you that you have the power to fill that cup yourself? What if the "standing ovation" you’ve been waiting for actually needs to come from you first?

The 10-Thing Challenge: A Different Kind of List

In my private sessions, when we begin the process of "seeing one’s self," I give my clients a specific homework assignment. It sounds simple, but it’s actually quite revolutionary.

I ask them to make a list of 10 things they can acknowledge about themselves.

Now, wait, before you grab your pen, this isn't a gratitude list. I love gratitude; it’s a beautiful practice. But usually, gratitude lists focus on external things: "I’m grateful for the sunshine," or "I’m grateful my spouse cooked dinner." Those reflect others' actions or the world around you.

This list is different. This is a list of what you did. No matter how small, how quiet, or how "insignificant" it might seem, these are the actions you took to improve yourself, help someone else, or make a positive difference in your own world.

“Self-appreciation begins in the quiet moments, when you pause long enough to notice your own effort and honor the good you bring into the world.”

"Some days are diamonds, and some are stones. Acknowledge them both, for they are both part of your journey."

Diamonds, Stones, and the Reality of Humaning

I tell my clients all the time: Some days are diamonds, and some days are stones.

A "diamond day" is one of those high-vibration days where you crush your goals, hit the gym, eat a salad that actually tastes good, and solve a complex problem at work before lunch. On diamond days, your list of 10 might look like:

• I led a successful team meeting.

• I stayed calm when the technology failed.

• I chose a healthy lunch.

• I finished my project two hours early.

But then... there are the "stone days." You know the ones. The days when the gravity feels triple what it usually is. The days when your brain feels like it’s made of cotton wool and your motivation has left the building without leaving a forwarding address.

On a stone day, your self-reflection might sound like this:

• I brushed my teeth.

• I fed the dog.

• I didn't stay in bed until noon.

• I put on a clean shirt.

And here is the heart-centered truth: The stone day wins count just as much as the diamond day wins.

The Magic of Paying Attention

Why does acknowledging that you fed the dog matter? Because the brain doesn't actually distinguish between a "big" win and a "small" win when it comes to the chemical reward of self-appreciation. The act of paying attention to the good you do, giving yourself positive attention, is what builds the muscle of self-pride.

When you acknowledge, "Hey, I did that. I took care of my responsibilities even when I didn't feel like it," you are sending a signal to your soul that you are reliable. You are showing up for yourself.

It’s about celebrating the light, even when it’s just a tiny flicker. When we stop dismissing our small efforts as "just what I'm supposed to do," we stop being our own harshest taskmasters. We become our own supportive guides.

The Invisible Magnet: How Self-Appreciation Changes Everything

Here is the magical part, the part that feels like a "new chapter" in your life. When you consistently practice self-appreciation, a shift happens in your energy.

When you are full of your own positive attention, you stop "needing" it from others. You aren't walking into a room with an empty cup, hoping someone will pour a little praise into it. You walk in with a cup that is already overflowing.

And that overflowing cup changes more than your mood. It changes your relationships with the people you hold most dear. When you appreciate yourself, you stop asking others to constantly prove your worth. You listen better. You soften. You become less reactive and more present. You begin to see the world not as a place that is withholding love, but as a place where love can move through you with intention.

The result? You start attracting compliments and appreciation from others without even trying. It’s the law of attraction in its most practical form. People are drawn to those who are at peace with themselves. When you are proud of who you are, even if that pride today is just because you managed to floss, others sense that high-vibration confidence.

And here is something even deeper: you are unlike anyone else. Your DNA is unique. Your fingerprints are unique. There has never been another you, and there never will be. That means you leave a part of yourself everywhere you go. In every room, every conversation, every kindness, every boundary, every laugh—you influence others. So why not do it with intention?

When you remember your own worth, you stop shrinking. You stop handing your power away. You begin to understand that you are uniquely different, deeply powerful, and capable of creating the life you choose. Not someone else’s version of a meaningful life. Yours.

“You leave your energy everywhere you go, so let it carry self-respect, intention, and the quiet confidence of someone who knows their own worth.”

Living from the "overflow"—when your own cup is full of self-appreciation, you have so much more to give.

Why It’s Okay to Add a Little Humor

Let’s be honest: being a human is weird. We are biological machines riding a rock through space, trying to remember where we put our car keys and how to be "mindful" at the same time.

Adding humor to your self-appreciation makes the journey so much lighter. If you’re having a "stone day," laugh about it! Acknowledge that you are a "Professional Dog Feeder and Tooth Brusher Extraordinary." Give yourself a gold star for not responding to that passive-aggressive email with a series of grumpy emojis.

And here is the beautiful paradox: when you learn to love yourself, forgive yourself, and laugh at yourself, you become far better at loving and appreciating other people, too. You stop demanding perfection from everyone around you because you are no longer demanding it from yourself. You begin to play the game of life with more grace, more warmth, and more room for others to be gloriously human right alongside you.

When we lighten up, we open up. We move away from the "quicksand" of self-criticism and into the "soul-stirring journey" of self-discovery. If you want to dive deeper into this kind of personal growth, you might find inspiration in My Life Lessons, where I share more about the messy, beautiful reality of becoming your best self.

Your Invitation to a New Chapter

So, here is my invitation to you today. Before you close this tab and head back into the rush of your life, take a breath. Take a deep, heart-centered breath that takes your breath away in the best way possible.

Can you find your 10 things?

Check them off in your mind right now:

• Did you show up for work/family today?

• Did you drink some water?

• Did you have a difficult conversation with grace?

• Did you choose a positive thought over a negative one?

• Did you simply keep going when things felt heavy?

Whether today was a diamond or a stone, you did things that made a difference. You contributed to the world just by being in it and taking your next step.

If you’re struggling to find your list, or if you feel like you’ve been living in a season of stones for too long, let’s talk. Sometimes we need a hand to help us find the diamonds again. You can always reach out to us here.

You’ll be glad you did. Because the most important relationship you’ll ever have is waiting for you to say, "Hey, good job today. I see you."

Brushing your teeth is a win. Feeding the dog is a win. You are a "win".

Now, go out there and celebrate the "stone" days just as loudly as the "diamond" ones. The world is waiting for that version of you: the one who doesn't need a standing ovation to know they are worthy.

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